Eminem - The Kids

[00:00.24] And everyone should get along [00:04.41] Okay children, quiet down, quiet down [00:07.57] Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day [00:11.86] His name is Mr. Shady [00:14.32] Chidren, quiet down please [00:16.24] Brian, don't throw that (shut up) [00:18.14] Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while [00:20.17] Mr. Kaniff is out with Pneumonia (he's got AIDS) [00:22.61] Good luck Mr. Shady [00:24.15] Hi there, little boys and girls (fuck you) [00:26.28] Today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels [00:28.18] But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?) [00:30.61] Say hi, Bob (Hi Bob) [00:32.00] Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom [00:33.72] He don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot [00:36.56] But his twelve year old brother looks up to him an awful lot [00:38.97] And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot [00:41.65] And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock [00:44.26] When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog [00:47.30] Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping block (Ah) [00:50.02] And even if they escaped and they got the cops [00:52.33] The ladies would all be so afraid they would drop the charge [00:55.15] Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job [00:57.57] When she felt someone grab hold her whole face and said not to talk [01:00.25] But Stacey knew it was Bob and said "Knock it off" [01:02.72] But Bob wouldn't knock it off, cause he's crazy and off his rocker [01:06.05] Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka [01:08.05] You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor [01:10.91] He grabbed Stace' by the legs as he chopped it off her [01:13.78] And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her [01:16.36] But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander [01:18.53] They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner [01:21.48] And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana [01:23.84] And what it might do to you [01:25.02] So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you [01:27.20] See, children, drugs are bad (come on) [01:29.53] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (raise your hand) [01:32.31] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (that's right) [01:34.81] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will) [01:37.63] So kids say no to drugs (that's right) [01:39.95] So you don't act like everyone else does (uh huh) [01:42.80] Then there's really nothin' else to say (sing along) [01:45.50] Drugs are just bad, m'kay? [01:47.75] My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it? [01:50.58] Fuck no you aint seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?) [01:53.12] Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels? [01:55.98] Ectasy, it's the worst drug in the world [01:58.18] If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it [02:00.50] Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid [02:03.22] And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back [02:05.63] So don't get attatched, it'll attack every bone in your back [02:08.49] Meet Zach, twenty one years old [02:10.87] After hanging out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold [02:13.71] And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys [02:16.50] And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it [02:19.43] Suddenly, he starts to convulse [02:21.12] And his pulse goes into hyperdrive [02:22.76] And his eyes roll back in his skull (blblblblblb) [02:24.50] His back starts to, look like the McDonalds arches [02:27.33] He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin' (Bleh) [02:29.90] And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him [02:32.30] "Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!" [02:35.06] Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny [02:37.07] So they're laughing at basically nothing [02:38.81] Except maybe wasting their money [02:40.38] Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over [02:43.15] And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicing yoga [02:45.91] And that's the story of Zach "The Ecstasy maniac" [02:48.53] So, don't even feed that to squirrels, class, cause it's bad for you [02:51.51] See, children, drugs are bad (that's right) [02:53.92] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (that's right) [02:56.49] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can) [02:58.99] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will) [03:01.69] So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack) [03:04.17] So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right) [03:07.03] And there's really nothing else to say (But umm...) [03:09.38] Drugs are just bad, m'kay? [03:11.85] And last but not least [03:13.24] One of the most humongous [03:14.70] Problems among young people today is fungus [03:17.04] It grows from cow manure [03:18.62] They pick it out, wipe if off, bag it up [03:20.68] And you put it right in your mouth and chew it [03:22.30] Yum, yum [03:23.17] And then you start to see some dumb stuff [03:25.11] And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em [03:27.92] And sometimes you see things that aren't there (like what?) [03:30.49] Like fat women in G-strings with orange hair [03:32.87] (Mr. Shady, what's a g-string?) It's yarn, Claire [03:35.75] Women stick them up their behinds go out and wear 'em (Hu?) [03:38.64] And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms [03:40.96] Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus [03:43.45] Your tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue [03:46.15] (How come?) Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Gross!) [03:49.06] See, drugs are bad, it's a common fact [03:51.08] But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!) [03:53.63] But don't be me, cause if you grow up and go and OD [03:56.65] They're gonna come for me, and I'm gonna have to grow a goatee [03:59.11] And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault [04:01.95] So don't drugs and do exactly as I don't, cause I'm bad for you [04:05.10] See, children, drugs are bad (uh huh) [04:07.33] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (put that down) [04:10.08] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can ask) [04:12.59] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will) [04:15.39] So kids say no to drugs (say no) [04:17.92] So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do) [04:20.64] And there's really nothing else to say (that's right) [04:23.43] Drugs are just bad, m'kay? [04:26.25] Come on children, clap along (Shut up!) [04:28.58] Sing along, children, (Suck my motherfuckin dick!) come on, clap along [04:32.23] Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!) [04:36.60] So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin' ass!) [04:38.75] So there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!) [04:43.22] (Mushrooms killed Kenny!...Ewww, ahhh!) [04:47.43] (So, fucked up, right now) [04:56.81]